borring

my song of the moment: hate me- blue october <3

[message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

<3 so nice...


it's wierd- do i really prefer living in a non-real wold than facing reality? even after the many lessons and times that have me finding out that the real world isnt too bad a place to be. does it make me a coward? or is it smtg else? whatver it is, it makes me darnit pissed at myself sometimes, and that sucks. plus i duno how im gonna survive when i leave school and have to be indpndent, whether i want to /can /like it or not. im playing with the idea that my mind is stronger than my actions. cos what i concort inside my head seems to lend more weight to the outcome than what i do on the outside. which is really wierd right it doesnt make sense at all...

anyway, hari raya is tmr. im in school now... i needta find smtg to do that does not involve facing people i know but that can help me pass time without wasting it before i meet lyna to buy more raya stuff. and i cant go home yet. maybe i'll cut my hair.

for some reason im not all that hyped about the way this year has been.

maybe i'll go to bishan library and read something, then go to meet lyna, and then cut my hair.

i like we belong together's remix.
i only think of you on two ocassions, that's day and night.
it bloody sucks when u cant keep ur mind off someone but u know damn well he barely even knows u exist. and time's running out.

but then.. maybe it's just not meant to be?

huh. convince me. i guess im leaving it to time- afterall, with time anything can pass right...

and it's not such a big deal right

im gonna drive myself mad if i keep this up. haha. ok, im ciaoing now to look for some of that joy and laughter they say this world has to offer. tata! and slamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin to all my muslim friends.