Ramadhan

The 'best' month of the year has begun. Ramadhan is often simplified as the 'fasting' month - something i do myself sometimes, usually when i can't be bothered to get drawn into a conversation / explanation of the characterizing tenets that underlie and uphold this month, of the spirit in which it is meant to be conducted by those who profess to the Islamic faith. But since we're all friends here, let's just be clear that i) 'fasting' during this month goes beyond food and drink; it includes other physical restraints like smoking and sex, and even emotional ones like impatience, anger, and demonstration of anger (listed doubly as i personally feel the two are categorically distinct), and ii) Ramadhan is about more than fasting; in fact fasting is one side of the coin on which the other side involves channeling the energies and concentration that we'd normally spend on pursuing the pleasures of eating, drinking, smoking, sexing (what?), towards endeavors such as charity and worship and working hard and doing more of the things you're supposed to be doing anyway to gain favor. The incentives involves are similar to earthly schemes of incentivising, namely multiplied rewards and additional opportunities to gain favor.

For me, Ramadhan is the best month because i) i need reminders, and ii) it seems to be a heightened experience of what it is supposed to mean to be Muslim anyway - on a daily basis, throughout the year, throughout one's life - charity is intensified, recitation of (and appreciation of the lessons from within) the Qur'an is intensified, serenity is intensified (is that an oxymoron? the intensification of serenity? maybe, but what i'm alluding to i suppose is the deliberate and conscious pursuit of a calm mind, of taking the day and everything it flings at you in stride and in peace until it becomes natural part of your reactions). a Muslim is connected to God everyday and throughout the day, or at least during the requisite 5 daily prayers which by definition involves direct communication and a single focus of the mind on worshiping. so far, this year i feel so blessed to be able to say that i can feel this more deeply than i remember having ever previously. it remains a personal challenge for me (although it really shouldn't be) to check the 5 daily prayers off my list each day, to consume food more strictly (ie. no to the tuna sub, etc.), but this year, in this month, there have been moments - and these are the best - when i feel buoyed; in between feeling like crying out of shame for my glaring imperfections and finding some way to permanently set my life onto God's straight path and throw away the steering wheel so that i will never tread a single toe off it again... then realizing that i couldn't do that at all because the path isn't straight, instead the road is full of forks and junctures and i need to make my choices, i need to renew my faith, at each one of them until it becomes such an ingrained part of my reactions that for me to be is for me to be devoted. and realizing that despite the difficulties inevitably waiting for me out there, it will be okay as long as i'm on God's side the way God's always been on mine.