fuck slap you me

I was brimming at the surface the entire day in school today - thank goodness nothing out of the ordinary happened that sucked. Sure, econs test was some shit, sure i was totally lost in maths tutorial, but hey i did say 'out of the ordinary'... If a teacher had decided to pick on me today, I swear I would have burst out into tears, leaving the poor guy/lady in disarray and astonishing the class. Like I said, good thing that didn't happen.
Thanks goes out to Johnny and Zf, for cheering me up, even if indirectly. Somehow Johnny seemed nicer today, and zf unirritating - or maybe I just felt that cos I was welcoming the company of friends. Thanks Sarah for making me think twice about bathing in the rain. Had the person I was with said "Go ahead then", when I suggested it, in my impulsiveness at that moment I probably would have gotten up and embarrassed myself. Let me now move on to what I initially came to get off my ass chest.
Do you have any idea AT ALL how much that hurt? I can't believe we're doing this again. After all this time, I honestly thought we were over such shit. Why did you have to go and ruin it? Come on, grow up! I wish you'd realise that this world isn't only about you. Specifically, MY world can't always be about you. Discounting all the things I've tried to do in just one swipe, HOW do you think that makes me feel? Huh like you EVER care about how I feel, when you're constantly treating me like I can't hurt. Will you please give a fuck for just one second, stop ignoring the predicament we're in like it's just gonna sort itself out and be alright again next time? Thanks for not giving a damn how your words might JUST hurt me. I bawled my ears out otw this morning. Fucking embarrassing! Luckily there was no familiar face. Maybe it's better that way afterall. Hurh. The worst part, is when you try to tell me you're sorry. And incidentally, how you haven't actually SAID it before. Except for that one time. Makes me wonder: Maybe you AREN't sorry. bitch. Maybe you even think I DESERVED it. BITCH! But maybe it's the egothing. typical. And no matter how adamant I am initially, I've never failed to give in to you in the end. I'd think: How could a person hold out such promise if he didn't at least intend to, if not actually carry it out? Hurh - all those empty promises. Then I tell myself that enough is enough and I'll never let myself feel this way again (cos it's SUCKY like SHIT) no matter what great moments we may share someimes. Inevitably I linger on some of those moments, rediscovering that so much of who I am now, I have you to thank for (and not ONLY the bad parts) and how I would be left with such a gaping hole if you weren't around anymore. Can i be strong enough to leave it all behind? Look to the future a brand new start, and begin a journey that doesn't consider you? You know what... This time I wish you wouldn't try to make it up to me. I wanna be THROUGH trying to love you, I wanna NOT care about you I wanna NOT give a fuck anymore. I wanna be able to tell you to go fuck yourself, mean it, and best of all, not regret it later. But I can't. Not right now... Maybe not ever... Maybe this is one of those things which you just abandon, without proper closure. Oh I WISH you'd just disappear, and make hating you easier for me. Cos right now, I've only 3 words left for you: PLEASE. FUCK. OFF.
It just dawned onto me today that CTs start NEXT WEEK!!! oh my GOD I need a crash start. Ok gotta go drown myself in school work - Vectors, watch out!